The firm of Vogel, Nagel, Brickstone, and Peters wholeheartedly recommends Eli Servitude. Eli has been employed by us for fourteen years. During that time, he maintained a perfect attendance record. He distinguished himself for donating his vacation time back to the firm.

The quality of his work is beyond reproach. His level of devotion and loyalty is all too rare these days. In fact, it hasn't been seen since feudalism. Eli would still be with us if not for his inclination to array himself in helmet and armor.

Whoever you are, you need not worry about this "hobby" of Eli's. We are reasonably certain that he realizes his termination resulted from his blurring of fantasy and reality, and that he has learned his lesson. (The hospital assures us that this is true, as well.)

To sum up, in Eli Servitude, you are getting more than a worker, but a pillar. A pillar on which your company can rest and grow, and in which you should watch for hairline cracks.

In all fourteen years of Eli's washing our building's windows, only 81 times was he accused of making obscene gestures at our tenants. To be fair, only 27 of those involved indecent exposure.

Were we concerned with his expressions of individuality, or rather, the way he could turn a filmy pane of glass into a thing of beauty? To be honest, it was the expressions.

All trivial qualms aside, we're sure Eli will fit your bill, but keep in mind that this recommendation in no way guarantees his performance and that Vogel, Nagel, Brickstone, and Peters are in no way responsible for any damage or other legal exposure resulting from his employment.

Sincerely,

Albert Vogel, Senior Partner

(c) 1992 Adam Nelson